HYPERREALITY, September 27, 2016 – A finite number of crews broke ground on new rooms at the Library of Babel this week. The rooms will house incoming books that incorporate recently approved emoji characters.
Although provably finite in nature, the scope of the project is currently indefinite. “Every time MicroShit and Crapple add a new goddamn emoji, that’s the number of existing characters plus one to the 1,312,000 power more books we gotta house,” said Mr. Lem Bernstein, Director of Facilities for the Library. “We only fit 700 books per room. You do the math.”
The project has suffered many challenges, the most basic of which has been obtaining enough raw building material. “We just can’t get our hands on enough high quality marble. Let alone enough atoms. I am told there are only about ten to the 84th, 85th power atoms in the known universe. So, either I’m doing my job wrong or somebody needs to start making some more atoms.”
Head Librarian, Alby Wundermint, said, “Sure, I get frustrated. Most people don’t even know what we do or that we even exist. And the people that do know about us think it’s just a waste. Oh, why are we using all the atoms in the known Universe to build a library that’s mostly filled with crap? Well, you tell me how we should use all those atoms, mister? You tell me! Because I am all ears.”
Mr Wundermint continued, “Look, do I think every emoji should make it into the Library? No. Middle finger, octopus, turd, those are all fine. Huggy face? No. But ultimately it’s not my decision so I shut up and do my job. Ever think of that?”
“It’s been a lot of work, that’s for sure,” said Chia Neusome, a crew forewoman. “But we get a lot of down time waiting for deliveries, like marble, shelving and atoms and stuff. We have a poker game going. It’s not like when we had to get rid of the ‘æ‘ character. Man. That sucked.”